Super Human Super Nurse
In 2013, after a successful total nephrectomy to remove a 10 centimeter tumor from my kidney, I felt I had dodged a bullet. My tumor was well encapsulated and required no more intervention. There were people I knew who had died from Renal Cell Cancer and others who were still going strong 10 years after a nephrectomy.
Fast forward five years. During a routine screening mammogram something was found that caught the radiologist's attention. It was small, but it wasn't something he wasn't used to seeing. He kept using the term "very vascular" to describe what he found. Of course, I scoured the internet high and low researching the possibilities long before the biopsy was performed .
i found that in approximately 0.03% of cases, Renal Cell cancer has spread to the breast. It's usually characterized by a very vascular lesion. My oncologist thought this was rather unlikely. Meanwhile it was time for my annual CT scan which also found a polyp like mass growing my Carina. Now the Carina isn't exactly a flower pot of activity. It's the space where the trachea ends and branches into the right and left bronchial of the lungs.
i found that in approximately 0.03% of cases, Renal Cell cancer has spread to the breast. It's usually characterized by a very vascular lesion. My oncologist thought this was rather unlikely. Meanwhile it was time for my annual CT scan which also found a polyp like mass growing my Carina. Now the Carina isn't exactly a flower pot of activity. It's the space where the trachea ends and branches into the right and left bronchial of the lungs.
The breast biopsy results were positive for Renal Cell cancer. This could be easily taken care of with surgery, as long as the problem in the Carina was non-cancerous. That wasn't the case, though. The lesion was removed and also showed Renal Cell cancer. This would mean that treatment would need to be systemic, treating the whole body.
I'd witnessed many patient's endure various cancer regimens over the years. There were patient's who tolerated treatment with few problems, while others couldn't endure the overwhelming toxicities. I had decided long ago that if my cancer returned, I wouldn't pursue treatment. Instead I'd cash in the 401K and take a long vacation with family. I already struggle with arthritis, muscle pain and fatigue, so why would I sign up to make that problem any worse?
Quickly I discovered, when confronted with the reality of the situation, I didn't know what to do about treatment for this now stage IV disease. I had lost a son earlier in the year in an accident. My other son was just starting a family and now I was a grandmother to a precious 2 1/2 year old. I didn't fear dying. My beliefs about eternity, God, the afterlife, were issues I'd settled years ago. I just wanted more time with my family.
I always tell my patient's, we are all buying something. How much are we willing to pay? If we are buying a few more months, we may pay with multiple trips in and out of the hospital. If we are trying to buy a few more years, it may mean that you become a patient the rest of your life, as you come for weekly or monthly treatments.
After some persuasive conversations with my oncologist and a look at the facts, I opted to start a regimen of immunotherapy and targeted therapy. The regimen is tolerated well and I agreed to give it a try.
Being an oncology nurse helps with my logical understanding of my diagnosis, disease process and treatment; but it also means I know some hard truths about cancer and cancer treatment. I find myself feeling torn between two worlds. The world of nursing that I've loved and spent 25 years being committed to, and the world of being a cancer patient. At times it has felt as if the two worlds clash. I immediately wanted to retreat; I wanted time to process this for myself. I didn't want to be the Triage nurse, giving supportive and caring advice on symptom management for patient's going through treatment. I had no patience for the day to day complaints which felt so trivial
Honestly, it feels overwhelming at times to deal with other people's problems when my own feel so big. Redcing my hours at work and keeping an open dialogue with my supervisors and co-workers have helped.
The Super Nurse is facing the fact that she is not super human.
Honestly, it feels overwhelming at times to deal with other people's problems when my own feel so big. Redcing my hours at work and keeping an open dialogue with my supervisors and co-workers have helped.
The Super Nurse is facing the fact that she is not super human.
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